So, I ain’t ashamed to admit it – I am one impatient mofo. Actually, when it comes to my students and my job, that’s the one place where I have an infinite amount of patience, simply because I enjoy my job so much that I would do it for free (it never feels like I’m working).

But duuuuuuude, sometimes I get so impatient waiting for stuff to happen that it drives me nuts! And it’s never one thing that I’m being impatient about, it’s like a gajillion things all at the same time. Of course, this adds to my irritation and contributes to the feeling that nothing is happening fast enough. For instance, I have been on a slow-going diet, and while I’ve already lost 10 pounds in the last two months, I want to lose a lot more, and faster! Uggh! I’ve been eating better and exercising more, but I feel like it’s been at a stand still and it’s pissing me off. Other crap that I’m being impatient about, in case you give a rat’s ass (hehe):

Hubby’s Birthday: I’m trying to plan something fabulous on a minimal budget for hubby’s birthday. We’re thinking Vegas, just because we wanna get out of town anyway, but we’re considering San Francisco too. Honestly, I don’t give a shiz where we go, just as long as hubby’s happy and as long as we get out of the OC. I wish his birthday was tomorrow, ’cause then that would mean I’d be hopping on a plane for a little vacay, but alas, it’s not till December 2nd. Boo-effing-hoo.

Dance Recital: Those tahitian drum beats…man, they call to me. I used to perform Polynesian dance with another group a few years ago, but stopped a few months before I got married so that I could concentrate on the wedding. I was bummed, too, ’cause we were in the middle of learning a routine that we were going to be performing in Tahiti (they never ended up going though), but the wedding was more important (duh). I had planned to go back a few months after the wedding, but then I got pregnant. Things didn’t work out, and I wasn’t in the mood to go back to dancing – or the rest of my life, for that matter. But now I am back to dancing and it is kicking my ASS (in a good way, though! It should help kick start my diet even more, too!). I am also taking drumming lessons with the talented folks at my new studio, and I am just anxious to get up and perform! I’m a sucker for an audience and I just love the Polynesian culture and dance so much that I want to get back into it. I’m even more excited to be a part of the group that I am with because they are THE BEST. Our first recital is not until early December, so for those of you who read my blog that I know IRL, I expect you there!

My own Classroom: The enrollment for this year at our school as far as Pre-K goes was quite low. Our school has 3 classrooms dedicated to Pre-K, but we only needed two this year because there just wasn’t enough kids to justify a 3rd class. Therefore, I share my class with another teacher (for ratio reasons – we both can only have 12 by ourselves at one time without an aide, and we have 20 kids total). I am absolutely blessed to be working with her because I have learned so much from her already and we clicked right from the start, so things have been going smoothly. But, the teacher in me is just screaming for a classroom of my own. Luckily, my co-teacher and I have the same creative vision when it comes to our bulletin boards and everything and she is fine with me coming up with ideas as well. But, being able to decorate my own classroom and arrange things the way I want is honestly one of the biggest reasons why I got into teaching. I always had a vision for how my classroom would look, and the classroom we have now is pretty damn close to that vision, but I would like to be able to add my own personal touches. We’re anticipating more enrollment next year, so I’m hoping and praying that we will have enough that I can get my own classroom! I just hate waiting, though!

and finally…..

A Baby: There, I said it. I really want a baby. I want one now. I know I mentioned that in a post before, but I was being bitter and rude and not supportive of our friends who recently had babies or are about to have babies. Babies are a blessing no matter what, and I am genuinely happy for them. But still, I can’t be fully happy because I am a selfish and bitter ol’ hag who is constantly throwing herself a pity party, so that makes me a jerk. I still can’t bring myself to go to anyone’s baby shower – doesn’t matter if it’s family or friends, I won’t go. I can’t. I find all these reasons not to go, but I know that the real reason I’m not going is because I don’t want to be around all that happiness. Yes, I am fully aware that since I act like this, I can’t expect that I should get to have a nice baby shower with gifts and happiness and a cake with a stroller on it made of frosting, but that’s okay with me. Honestly, when I get pregnant (I’m thinking positively), I won’t be buying anything until afterwards (except maybe the furniture and some onesies). I’m sure my mom and mother-in-law will be buying stuff like crazy, but I am going to request that they don’t tell me about it and that I don’t see it laying around their house. Am I crazy? The thing is, if this ends up in miscarriage again like the first time, then I don’t want to have to see it or know that I’ve failed at motherhood once again. BUT!! I have attempted to change my way of thinking, and I have this blogger to thank. I wish neither of us had in common what we have in common, but unfortunately we do. Reading her blog and going through her heartache with her is all too familiar to me, but she also gives me a lot of hope in the way that she has been handling everything. She gave me the great idea of making a list of 100 reasons why we WILL have another baby one day, and why we deserve such a blessing. I’m starting to make my own list, and will continue to add to it and read it every day as a sort of mantra.

Let nothing disturb thee; Let nothing dismay thee; All things pass; God never changes. Patience attains All that it strives for. He who has God Finds he lacks nothing:God alone suffices. – St. Teresa of Avila