According To Angela

I had a whole huge post that I just wrote.  It was 3 miles long and just went on and on about how pissed I was at a super rude comment that someone made about me today.  However, I took the time to think about it and I have decided to let it go.  Having this anger is not worth it to me, and I am choosing to assume that this person meant no harm by what they said.  I know the truth, and I know that what they know is NOT the truth…sooooo, I’m fine with that.    They can think what they want and I won’t hold it against them.  They are not a significant person in my life anyway, so really, it would just be a wasted effort to spend any more time getting angry or holding a grudge about it.

And I gotta say, having this type of attitude instead of my typical approach (cry or get really frustrated about it) is refreshing.  Of course, it helps to be able to unload all about it to the hubbs and have him make me feel better about the whole thing   Hooray for my awesome husband!

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent – Eleanor Roosevelt

Has it really been 3 months since I last blogged?  And I know that it was even longer before that last blog that I logged on and typed out my thoughts, but whatever…I’m here now!  And I really needed to get something off my chest…

So, I have this friend from high school.  I believe that once a friend always a friend, and even though I haven’t seen her since high school (save for a time I ran into her at a party a few years later), I still consider her a friend.  She was a grade below me, but we all pretty much ran with the same crowd.  Our whole group would go to dances together and take the ever necessary group picture – seriously, you haven’t seen this many Filipinos in one picture unless you were in the Philippines!  We all hung out in the morning before classes, and I remember how she would always be followed by so many guys through the hallways all the time – she couldn’t help it, she was (is) beautiful!  She also had the funniest stories to share – we got to talking one day (it was pretty sad – we both had trash duty at lunch but decided to talk instead) about how she was a cheerleader in elementary school and because she had such a tiny waist, her skirt was shorter than anyone else’s and she would get perverted looks from the male teachers (ewww!).  But, my favorite story was about how her parents took her door off when they grounded her and she started undressing in her room without hiding it and it made them so uncomfortable that they gave her back her door! LOL  But honestly, there is so much more to her than her beauty – she is smart, a social butterfly, she is suuuuuuuuuuper talented (she can’t just sing, she can SAAAANG!), and most of all, she is a NICE PERSON (remember that part for later).

Anyway, I found her again through MySpace many years ago, and she was still the same fun loving girl I knew from high school.  Over the coming years, I saw her talent take her far, and now she is a part of this really great band, doing vocals for them.  They’ve been quite successful in the indie scene from what I hear, and I’m proud of her and her accomplishments.  Now, I keep up with her on Facebook and every so often I will see hilarious posts from her about the various things she’s doing in her life, and I still find it nice to hear about her and see what she’s up to.  More recently, she got engaged to the lead singer of a band that everyone has heard of (I remember a girl in my freshman math class was obsessed with this group!) and she is catching so.much.flack. for it.

WHY????

When I read/heard the news, I thought it was great, and I sent her a message to congratulate her.  And then I started hearing about it more and more…their picture was plastered EVERYWHERE, and when I first saw it on Perez Hilton, I got a sinking feeling in my stomach because I know that people who comment on his posts never have anything nice to say.  But anyway, I decided to read some of the comments and I was just completely disgusted.  They were tearing her apart – this girl that none of them know.  They were saying some of the most horrible things about her and just completely judging her off of empty lies and b.s. rumors that keep spreading like wildfire.  Now, I’ve read similar comments about other celebrities and while I always found them shocking and lame, this one just kinda hit home because I know her – and to be honest with you, I got offended for her.  I know that a lot of the comments are coming from die hard fans of her fiance’ who never wanted to see him settle down, and now that he is, they can’t just be happy for him – they have to rip him apart and knock down the woman who is making him happy.  All of a sudden they all know what’s best for him, and apparently they think she isn’t.  They all seriously need to stop being so lame, it’s annoying.

Anyway, for some reason I came across another blog again today regarding the engagement news and I read even more stupid comments, but one caught me – someone said they had read somewhere that her fiance mentioned that she was crying on his shoulder or something about what others were saying about her.  Now, I don’t know if that’s true, and she is not the type to let dumb people get to her, but seriously, if you read the stuff people were saying, then who wouldn’t be upset at it all?  I just hope that she knows that it’s all jealousy and that she can learn to ignore it.  Her true friends – and most importantly, her man – know the real her and know that her intentions are good.  That being said, I wish them all the luck in the world.  Congrats, M and T

I admit it. I’m a doormat. And this is no one’s fault but my own.

I’m a person who is easily influenced. Easily. So easily that sometimes it’s downright scary!

That’s why I do not drink alcohol, I do not smoke, I do not do drugs or take pills (except for the daily fish oil pill for those all important Omega 3’s), and I do not often put myself in situations that would cause me to compromise any of those commitments I made to myself.

No, I’m not perfect and I don’t claim to be. Yes, I did have quite a few drinks at my bachelorette party – but hey, we were celebrating! And fortunately for me, my friends are rad and aren’t into the whole stripper thing (you will NEVER catch me in one of those places! EVER!) so they were fine just going out and dancing with me – I was never in a place that I was uncomfortable with or without people I didn’t trust. But I’m getting away from my point.

I’m referring to being easily influenced by PEOPLE. I’ve always been this way – and I think it’s a combination of trying to people please + trusting people way too easily + a little bit of trying to stay on someone’s good side (insert sheepish grin here). Am I making any sense? Anyway, I finally grew a spine when I got married. Ed empowered me to stand up for myself and he helped me realize that my true friends are okay with me saying no to something that I didn’t wanna do. And after I realized this, it was very liberating!

Ugh, where am I going with this? Well, I’m referring to a very yucky situation that I am indirectly involved in because of my association with this place and these people. I won’t get into the situation too much, but recent events surrounding this event have made me realize that I do not like the person I have become in the last few months. I’m in the unfortunate position where I have to “take sides”, be secretive, be cautious of who I trust, and overall, just be someone who I am not. I would never put my friends in this kind of situation, and I hate that it’s happening to me. But there’s one very important factor in all this – and that is that I am trying to protect a group of people who are extremely important to me and who I love a lot. I am trying as much as possible to keep them out of the loop and ensure that they are not involved in this situation at all because it’s nothing that they should be concerned about. They have already seen too much and they should not be subjected to that – it is just.not.right.

So how does this tie into me being a doormat? Well, for the last few months, I was hearing both sides of the story. I was hearing the point of one, and being told by another how that point was incorrect and vice versa. I knew for myself what to listen to and what I should let go in one ear and out the other, but I am so disappointed in the fact that I never stood up for myself. I never said “You know what, I really don’t want to be involved in any of this.” I just kept listening to both sides, all the while wondering what I had gotten myself into. It doesn’t matter who I think is right in this situation or what I think should be done, because there is nothing further that can be done. But the disappointment in myself is still there.

My parents raised me to be a good person. They made sure we went to church every Sunday. They busted their bums to send my siblings and I to a Private Catholic school. They taught me what was right from wrong. When I was going through a really horrible time emotionally in my life (gotta love those awkward teenage years!), they tried their best to be there for me. At the time, I held them responsible for my feelings and so I dismissed everything they did and doubted their love for me. Now it’s 10 years later, and I realize more than ever just how important it is for me to have faith in God, faith in my parents, family and friends, and most importantly, faith in myself. Things don’t always work out how they’re supposed to…but then again…maybe the way they worked out is how it’s supposed to be! So with this situation and what I am resolving to do, I believe that it is what needs to be done and how it’s supposed to be.

Look, I know what I need to do to be a good person. I know that I need to stay away from the negativity and I know that I cannot allow myself to be easily influenced by outside forces and situations that will try to sway me from believing in what I know is right. I am done being a doormat. I am going to stand up for what is right and make sure that I am not compromising my morals, and at the same time, I am still going to make sure that the group of people that I am trying to defend in this whole ordeal will not be affected (I can take it, but they can’t – it isn’t fair to them at all). It really shouldn’t have to be this hard, but it is what it is and I have to make the best of it.

I admit that I am worried, though – not so much for myself, but for those involved in this whole ordeal. I read somewhere that when you worry, you are saying to God “This is too big for you to handle”, so instead I will offer it up to Him and allow Him to work his way into the hearts of everyone involved so that they will know peace instead of anger, doubt, and pain. And I know that there may be one of you reading this who is directly involved in this whole drama, and I want to reassure you that I am not giving up on you and I still support you in all that you do. You have done so much for me and I would be a fool to turn my back on you when you need your friends and all the support you can get. I am just saying that, in the best interest of the little ones and you, I really need to step back, stay out of any further involvement, and allow things to run their course, whichever direction it may go. But if it comes down to affecting those who I am defending, then I won’t be keeping my mouth shut any longer. I believe this is in their best interest and that is what matters most to me.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confidence. – Jeremiah 17:7

Last week was just lovely.

On Tuesday, February 10th, hubby and I celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary.  I was afraid we weren’t going to be able to do anything because he had been at work since – get this – SUNDAY!!  He works for a video game company and heads the web design department, so when they are getting ready to launch another site for another client, he has to work long hours.  I was so worried about the lack of sleep he was getting (in those 53 hours of straight working, he probably got a total of 10-15 hours of sleep?) because he had done this same type of crappy schedule a few weeks before, but I have to admit I was also afraid that we weren’t going to be able to celebrate our anniversary.  I quickly got over that concern and decided that even if he did come home in time for us to go out to a nice dinner (which he was working so hard to do), I was just going to make him stay home and sleep!  I ended up visiting him on Monday night with the dogs in our car, and I brought him dinner and let him sleep in my car for an hour.  It was so sad to go home without him and I couldn’t sleep that night.  He finally did come home on Tuesday to celebrate our anniversary, but I canceled the dinner reservations we had at Ruth’s Chris and opted for something closer to home – steak sandwiches and fries at a local diner!  Totally low key and a totally empty dining room – we had a great time   Then, we both went home and knocked out at 9pm because we were both suffering from a lack of sleep (him moreso than me, of course!).

On Friday, we headed to Bellflower for the BFF’s 30th birthday.  She decided to have a Pajama Party because she didn’t want any of us driving in the rain trying to find some fancy restaurant and that was fine with me!  We had a great time, yummy food (she made sure there was cheese pizza for me! so sweet!) and we played a few games with everyone there – Cranium, Catch Phrase, and Murder.  Hubby and I had SUCH a great time!

On Saturday, we decided to keep it spontaneous for Valentine’s day.  First, we woke up and just hung out in bed with the dogs, talking and laughing about anything and everything.  We finally got out of bed around noon (hahah – hey, the weekends were meant for being lazy, right!?!?) and got dressed to take the girls to Petco to have their picture taken.  I had heard online that they were setting up a Petco photo booth that was Valentine’s Day themed and since the girls are at their cutest and fuzziest, I wanted to take advantage of it!  When we got there, though, we saw that all they had set up was a ghetto looking “Petco Kissing Booth” covered in pink xerox machine paper and some dude with a digital camera taking the photos!  I was expecting a semi-professional photographer and a nicer background, but for $5 each, I should’ve known better.  We passed on the pictures and instead bought the girls their Valentine’s Day present – 2lbs worth of treats from the treat bar!  That should last them a good long time

We then took the girls home and decided to go have lunch at TGIFriday’s.  Yeah, yeah, not so much on the romantic tip right there, but hubby and I aren’t really the sappy romantic type, so it was all good.  Before we headed out the door, I remembered that we had gotten a coupon in the mail for this restaurant, so I grabbed it and we left.  I was in such a great mood from being with the hubby that I overlooked a lot of the mistakes our waitress made (forgot our drinks, gave me regular fries instead of sweet potato fries – you know, stuff that isn’t TOO big of a deal) and even asked her to send her manager over so I could give her a compliment.  I kinda did that for her because #1, I felt bad that she had to work on Valentine’s Day, #2 she was very professional and handled her mistakes professionally and gave us a sincere apology, and #3 because the guy who was helping her bring the food out gave her the biggest look of “WOW you’re a MORON!” when I said she brought out the wrong fries – she looked embarrassed!  And you know what happened when she came back with our check?  She said her manager gave us one of our meals for free!  That was AWESOME and totally unexpected, so that made our day even better!

After that we headed to Target just to look around, and then we headed to the Wal-Wal Boutique (thanks for the nickname, Marcela!) and ended up getting our Valentine’s Day gift to each other – Tennis Rackets and tennis balls!  It’s been too cold and rainy to go play, but I can’t wait until we can!  Before we went home, we stopped at Albertsons to buy some firelogs for our fireplace and some snacks for our movie night at home.  So far, a pretty rad Valentine’s Day, no?  When we got home, hubby lit the fire for me and the girls while he made dinner.  After eating, we decided to play board games instead of watching movies and it was soooo much fun!

On Sunday, we got up to go to church and then we went to Ikea.  It was the weirdest thing…while walking through Ikea, we heard a live band playing and thought to ourselves that Ikea never does things like that – but I liked it!  The sound of the music was making me wanna run right over to where they were, but I didn’t wanna distract hubby from what he was looking at – but I finally gave in to the beat.  We wound our way through the maze of furniture and came upon a crowd gathered in one of the faux apartment setups and heard the crash of cymbals and the twang of guitars.  We both thought to ourselves how cool it was that Ikea was being all funky like that, and then we realized by the looks on the faces of the employees, this was not a planned thing.  We got close enough in time to hear everyone chanting “ONE MORE SONG! ONE MORE SONG!”   We kinda hung around to see them clean up their stuff, and I started to laugh when I saw cart after cart being wheeled out with their cymbals, drum heads, guitars, amps, and other stuff – how did Ikea miss them coming in and setting up?  Anyway, I came home to try to find out any news to see who it was – hubby thought it may have been Modest Mouse since a few of them were wearing Modest Mouse t-shirts, but I knew it wasn’t them because they didn’t look like the members.  Turns out, it was a band called Will Crum and I found a video of them trying to pull off “The Swedish Job”.  It was actually a pretty well-thought out plan and quite elaborate – watch it, and you’ll see how they were able to maneuver their way in without being caught

The band itself was really really good and now I’m on a hunt to see how much more of their music I can find!  These guys look like a lot of fun and hey, they’re talented too!!  I can’t believe we got to see something like that – it was so awesome!  I know the Ikea employee at the end of the video was really upset, but the band handled her request to stop very graciously….and then one of them came out into the crowd and said “THANK YOU IKEAAAAAAAA!” and everyone cheered and I even saw one of the employees yell back “Rock On!” hahaha – so awesome, ‘ cause he was like in his 50’s.  Oh, and if you look up Will Crum on YouTube, apparently they did this same kind of spontaneous playing at a Wendy’s!  I’m so glad they do this stuff in Orange County – I wanna run into them again

After that fun afternoon, we came home and just relaxed for the rest of the night.  I haven’t had a week this great in a long time – good food, LOTS of time with my husband, free LIVE music from an awesome band, and shopping!!  I hope everyone else’s was just as great

Ah, my lovely blog, we meet again.  Can we say “overdue on a blog” much?  There’s been plenty to write about, but I just never got around to it ’cause I was simply too lazy to sit at the computer and do anything OTHER THAN check my myspace, facebook, and email.  Yeah, that’s super lame, I know.

Speaking of lame, I woke up at 8am today – SUNDAY MORNING!  I try to sleep in, but I just can’t and that blows hehe.  But anyway, I’m sitting here on the couch waiting for hubby to wake up so we can go out today.  I’m thinking we’re going to the OC Swapmeet just to look around and not buy anything because it isn’t in our budget.  Speaking of budget, a big thanks to KristiBug for introducing us to Mint.com.  I cannot believe how much this (free!!) program is helping hubby and I with our budget!  We already used it for the month of January and for the first two weeks, this program had me sitting in a corner, whimpering about how much our spending is out of control.  It is just so in-your-face about all your spending, and it even sends you emails with summaries of your spending for the week (or daily, it’s up to you) and emails on when you’ve exceeded your budget.  It will even send you email reminders on when a bill is due!  The only thing I was apprehensive about was having to link it to our bank account.  Hubby dealt with fraud twice regarding his bank account and he didn’t wanna go through it again.  Still, I trust Kristi and knew that if she was having luck with it, we would too.  I signed up for it even though hubby said not to, because I just wanted to see how it was.  After I realized its awesomeness, I fessed up to hubby and told him how great a program it is, and he totally agrees!  Most of our spending was on food for lunch and dinner, so I made a change and started packing our lunch and cooking our dinners.  Besides being healthier for us, an added bonus was that I even went through our pantry and was able to come up with dinners for almost 2 weeks using just about everything we had!!  No extra shopping needed = money saved!!  We are ready to start fresh for the month of February and I can’t wait to see how much money we are able to add to our savings and how well we stick to our budget for everything!  It’s like a challenge, you know?  And I am ALWAYS up for a good challenge.

Speaking of challenges, another friend at Bourland Buzz recommended a website as well, called Gyminee.com.  This is also another in-your-face kind of tracking website, but for your weight, health, and nutrition.  What is it about January that makes everyone wanna start working out and getting healthier?  Well, yeah, it’s  ’cause of the whole “new year, new YOU” idea, I’m sure, but I wonder how many people are really able to stick with it?  I hope that I can really stick to my plan – I’ve already actually lost 20lbs since december, so I am feeling much better about myself, but I’ve still got a long way to go.  We’re hoping that this year is the year that we have a baby.  My doctor said not to try until I lose about 30lbs since I may put on that much during pregnancy, but I want to lose a LOT more than that!    I figured we’d increase my chances of not losing this baby if I was healthier (that’s kind of a “duh” statement, isn’t it?), so I am working out more (we got a great deal on an elliptical machine after Christmas), eating better, and thinking more positively (”We will have a baby this year…we WILL have a baby this year” – that’s my mantra while I work out).  (Btw, have you seen that book “Eat this, not that”?  Fabulous book – and you can find most of the info right here without buying it).

Speaking of babies, you know what irritates me about them?  Well, nothing, of course.  But I feel like everyone who knows that I had a miscarriage is sooo super sensitive to telling me that THEY are pregnant – like as if they think I can’t handle the news and be happy for them.  Wtf, seriously??  My good friend Alexis just had a beautiful baby girl in December and I was over the MOON excited for her when she told me.  I’m still waiting to meet the little princess, but I’ve got presents for her when I do.  Anyway, I am really grateful that she didn’t think I couldn’t handle her good news for her and told me right from the beginning.  Then there is my friend “Mama Hawker” who is pregnant again.  This girl was there for me through my whole pregnancy, knowing what I had been through because she unfortunately went through it a few times as well.  She is always wishing me good thoughts and hoping that we realize our dream one day, and I can’t thank her enough.  I’m glad she was able to tell me that she was pregnant and know that I would be nothing but excited for her – which I am!  I wish I could say the same for others – I actually just found out that 2 other “friends” of mine are pregnant as well.  I put the word friends in quotations because while we’re not necessarily the best of friends, we’re good enough friends that I would be in their circle of friends to be told that they are pregnant – I told them when I was!  I dunno, am I just being petty?  I know that some of you out there know what I mean, and some of you don’t, and that’s ok.  I just had to get this off my chest because it really bugs me, and I don’t know why.  I think it is because I feel like that’s the only thing anyone ever remembers about hubby and I in regards to children.  Yes, it happened, and I am willing to accept that it may even happen again.  I won’t take it any less hard – in fact, it’ll probably be even harder.  But I am holding out hope that one day it IS going to happen.  For now, we are just living life one day at a time – saving money, going out more (while staying in our budget of course!), and generally just spending more time together and enjoying each other’s company.

Speaking of spending more time together, hubby and I are planning on taking two trips this year – just him and I!  In April, we are going to Las Vegas for 3 nights and 4 days.  We’re hoping to make use of our Fly with T-Mobile offer so that we don’t have to drive, but flying there is so expensive!  Fortunately, we are finding really great rates for hotel rooms over there, so I will be checking again to see if the flight fares have gone down closer to the date and then Vegas here we come!  We are also hoping to go to New York in November.  We were going to go there in April, but we’d like to go when the weather is more winter-y.  After all, we don’t get winters like that over here in California (as was evident by the 80+ weather we were having for a while there just after Christmas!).  This also gives us a good chance to save up more money to do more things!  We plan on staying in New Jersey, but RIGHT across the Hudson Bay, so that we can get a 4 star hotel for a fraction of the price as it would be in NYC.  The awesome thing about this is that the hotel is right on the shore, so we can see NYC right from our window and it is only a 10 minute ride through the Holland Tunnel or a 30 minute ferry ride to Manhattan.  Well, that’s the plan anyway – hopefully we can stick to our budget and hubby will finally get his first taste of New York!

Speaking of hubby, he is finally awake!  I’m going to go work out first and then we are headed out.  Oh, and if any of you is not into the SuperBowl like I am, you should totally check out the “Puppy Bowl” on Animal Planet.  It is ADORABLE!!  They get puppies from Animal Shelters and let them play in a scene that is set up to look like the super bowl and it is HILARIOUSLY CUTE!!  The commentary is awesome too, because the puppies’ behavior is so unpredictable that they have to keep up with it and come up with witty remarks.  If you have kids, you should let them see it too

Have a great day everyone!

Hey hey, peeps…sorry, it has been a long time since I posted.  And today, I’m not even really posting anything (although one is in the works!!) other than to make sure you all know that because of a lawsuit with cosmetic companies, we are all entitled to a free makeup item or perfume – all you have to do is wait in line.  For more information, visit http://www.cosmeticssettlement.com/.

Free things rule!

I’m so happy!  First of all, thanks to all of you for the comments you made on my previous post, you made me feel a lot better about my situation and helped me to remember that Christmas isn’t all about decorations and gift giving – Jesus is the reason for the season!  Thanks for helping me get back on track.  But really, I’m also quite happy because hubby helped me realize something about being evacuated if there is a flood or mudslide -

WE DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE OUR HOME.

Maybe I’m being temporarily loopy here because who in their right mind wouldn’t evacuate under such circumstances?  Well….us! HAHA!  So I guess that makes us NOT in the right frame of mind?  Oh well, I’m happy with this realization for a few reasons.  First of all, we’re not at the BOTTOM bottom of the hill, so if there’s a flood or mudflow, it’ll just slide on down that street (hopefully) and we’ll only be stuck until they clear the roads (but we’re heading to the park tomorrow to pick up some sandbags anyway).  Secondly, we don’t have to stay in a hotel room!!  Normally, I would love to stay in a hotel room (preferably Marriot – their beds are soooo comfy!), but with two dogs and no room in our budget for this expense, this isn’t feasible.  Third, now we have a reason to go shopping for food as if our parents were out of town for the weekend!  I’m kidding – we’ll keep the junk to a minimum, but I’m a firm believer that Fruity Pebbles should be a part of everyone’s emergency rations

All kidding aside, I’m feeling better about this whole situation and not feeling like we need to move because we are not safe.  All I have to do is remember how hard the fire fighters and police officers and other city employees worked to get us out during the fires, and I feel even better knowing we have people who care for our safety.

Yay for not feeling craptacular!!!